


Quicksilver

by SusieBeeca



Series: Gems With Disabilities [8]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: A few horrible puns, Ableism, Abuse, Cassandra Syndrome, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gaslighting, Gen, Illustrations, Intoxication, Mental Coercion, Mental Health Issues, Mood Swings, Psychiatric Abuse, Schizophrenia, Spoilers for Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose, Using Pearl as a pawn, illustrated fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-09 00:49:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14705979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SusieBeeca/pseuds/SusieBeeca
Summary: In times of war, some soldiers turn to unhealthy habits. Rose Quartz tries to speak with a fragile gem about her addiction, but finds out madness is harder to handle than she'd expected.Chapter two is solely an illustration!I'm not sure if this could count as a stand-alone, so I recommend you readCompany Of Foolsfirst!





	1. Chapter 1

 

Rose Quartz stood with her hands clasped to her chest, watching the first beams of sunlight come licking in through the window of the rebel base. Slowly but surely, she was getting used to the rhythms of this conflict---fluctuating but pulsing, like the heartbeat of a sick animal. Most attacks happened under the cover of night, and daybreak was when everyone scrambled away to regroup; the brief period when the sky went streaking from indigo to blue was one of the few times she got to spend alone. Just simply, truly _alone,_ something she hadn’t been able to relish since… well, she couldn’t quite remember.

War was chaos, and it was hell---and Rose treasured the few moments of meditation she could steal away. With soft, unfocused eyes, she watched Venus twinkle in the blooming sky, casting its pale shadow over the still-untouched land. It was as if every swirling stream of consciousness inside her tugged and eddied, leaving her with a tiny nibble of peace.

That was, until a sharp fingertip jabbed right between her legs.

Rose shrieked in surprise and twirled around on the spot, one hand clapped over her rear, the other poised for a slap. She didn’t land the blow, however, when she saw who had goosed her.

“Sorry, love! Didn’t mean to be _cheeky!_ ”

Rose tried not to sniff in indignation. Standing---or, at least, hovering unsteadily---in the doorway was the only Agate who had joined her ranks. Rose could feel her mouth twisting to the side, half-in and half-out of a frown; of all the new recruits, this one had been the most… worrisome. It wasn’t just that she had the look of an unruly Amber who’d chewed an electric cable---Rose, of all gems, knew to look past surface appearances---but this soldier was deeply and truly _cracked_. Rose had taken pride in enlisting gems thought otherwise useless, but Crazy Lace and her condition had been almost too much for her to bear.

With a giggle, Crazy Lace tottered in the doorway, doing a silly imitation of a pirouette. Rose sighed.

Usually, a chip would cause a gem to lose something physical---a hand, a voice, a foot---but this poor Agate had lost a part of her very mind. Hallucinations. Delusions. Paranoia... things no one’s tears could heal. The mood swings were the worst; when she was ‘up’ she was as unstoppable as a supernova, but when she was ‘down’ it was like she turned into a black hole of despair. Even Garnet couldn’t predict how she’d be from day to day.

But no matter. Rose was always up for a challenge. Readjusting her hem, she began with “Crazy Lace, I would appreciate it if you didn’t---”

Before she could finish, the gem at the door took a step into the room---or at least, tried to. Her knee screwed to the side and she over-corrected by swinging her other foot forward, which would have sent her crashing to the floor if it weren’t for Rose’s outstretched arm.

“Well, wouldjer lookit that,” Crazy Lace slurred up at her. “Woulda hit the floor, but I… _rose_ above it!”

With an annoyed click of her tongue, Rose glanced at her recruit’s left hand, which was almost blackened by the traces of mercury left there. Chipped, crazy, clumsy… and a _drunk_ , to boot! “You could have seriously hurt yourself,” she scolded.

“Gaw… gotta shit,” she mumbled. “Sit, I mean. Sit. Dammit! I said ‘sit’.”

It took an awkward back-and-forth kind of stumble before Rose could steer her towards the only chair in the room. She kept a strong hand clasped on her elbow as she guided her towards the seat, the other arm around her waist. The sickly heat was radiating off of her in waves. “Please be more careful, Crazy Lace. You’re already chipped; I don’t want anything worse happening to you.”

After a few fumbling tries, as if she couldn’t quite remember where her ass was or how it worked, she managed to spill herself onto the chair and flopped backwards, gazing up at the ceiling. “Maybe I’ll go blind, too! Ha! Then I’ll really be out of sight, out of mind!”

“Crazy Lace, please.” With one hand on the back of her head, Rose gently pulled her back upright and folded her sweaty, twitching hands onto her lap. She tried to hold eye contact, but that was no easy feat with how much the Agate was wobbling. “Now, give me the vial.”

“What vial?”

“This is not the time for games. Give me the vial.”

Her attempted blink turned into two winks. “Dunno whatcher talkin’ ‘bout, love…”

Rose held out her hand, palm up. “The vial,” she said sternly. “Now.”

“Dinnae have a vial!”

Rose closed her eyes, just long enough to steady herself; then, using the bulk of her body to hold Crazy Lace secure, she began rummaging around her outfit. Apparently ticklish, she burst out laughing and threw her hands over her head, but Rose was there to push her back in place. “Ah! Help! Help! I’m being robbed!”

“I’m doing this because I love you,” she said through what she hoped weren’t gritted teeth. Crazy Lace’s bodice was too tight to allow anything between it and her skin, but her frilly skirt was full enough to serve as a hiding place. Rose just hoped she hadn’t tucked it in a garter, or worse.

“You love me? Hoo-ee, you sure got a funny way a’showin’ it! Forward, ain’tcha?”

Rose simply ignored her as she felt through the layers until her finger hit something cold and hard. She tested it by feel a moment---yes, definitely what she was looking for---and finally extricated the slimy vial of mercury, standing up just enough to hold it by her friend’s face. “What’s this?”

Crazy Lace squinted. “Hm… to me, I’d say I’m lookin’ at… a mighty handsy quartz. Why?”

She swirled the vial around, and inside the mercury danced. “Try again. What is this?”

“I’d say it… it’s… it’s… it’s…” After fumbling for a second, Crazy Lace used the heel of her hand to wipe off what had leaked from her stash onto her thigh, and then looked back up with a cock-eyed grin. “It’s, uh… half-empty! That’s the answer to the riddle!”

Rose groaned and rubbed her fingers against her temple.

“Ah, sorry. Yer more a ‘half-full’ kinda gem, right?”

She was shaking her head as she slipped the vial into the small pocket on the underside of her petticoat, but Crazy Lace didn’t seem to notice. She was babbling, as she usually did when under the sniff:

“I always figured that question was bollocks, anyway. If it’s full and you empty it, it’s half-empty. If it’s empty and you fill it, it’s half-full. Y’see? Easy-peasy.”

“Yes, Crazy Lace, I understand,” she muttered as she took to a knee in front of her so the intoxicated gem could look directly at her without her head lolling over the back of the chair.

“Aye, I knew you’d get it!” For a disquieting split-second, some clarity sparkled through the haze in her eyes. “It all depends on what it was _before_.” Then they clouded again. “Does that make sense?”

Rose reached up to wipe her knuckles over Crazy Lace’s forehead, catching drips of feverish sweat. “Mm… somewhat. But I think we need to talk about your… _habit_ before you get too philosophical.” Careful not to disturb the vial in her pocket, she leaned forward and squeezed her friend’s skinny shoulders, easily engulfing them with her palms. “Crazy Lace, you haven’t had a drop for nearly a year. What’s going on?”

She waved her hand around in what Rose assumed was supposed to be a dismissive gesture. “Gotta celebrate the anniversary some way!”

With a much firmer grip, Rose snatched her dangling wrist and forced it back onto her lap; that caught her attention and she stared up, bleary-eyed, at Rose’s unsmiling face.

“Stop joking,” she said with a voice like flint. “This is serious! I’m very upset with you.”

She looked like she’d been slapped. “Why?”

Rose tilted her body forwards and very lightly touched their foreheads, Crazy Lace’s snarled tangles of hair dusting along the smooth edges of her own. “You can’t keep doing this. We’re in a war zone, Crazy Lace! What if Homeworld attacks and you’re flopping out? You need to keep yourself safe!”

Her blinking sped up, and at this proximity, Rose could see the tears beginning to bud behind her eyelashes. “I… I’ll be fiiine…”

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” Rose went on, her voice softening. “And you’re hurting us, too. What about the gems who love you? How do you think we feel?”

And that’s when the dam burst. The usual liveliness she had playing across her face was gone, and her smile suddenly crumbled; she fell forward onto Rose’s shoulder, both arms flung around her wide, soft back, her chest heaving with gurgling sobs.

Rose overcame her surprise quickly, and returned the embrace. “Oh, Lacey…”

Between gasps and hiccups, she found her broken voice. “H-How do you think _I_ feel?” she wailed, only slightly muffled by Rose’s thick ringlets. “You don’t k-know what it’s like for me, Rose!” She leaned back just far enough to wipe first her eyes, then her nose, but she couldn’t quite stare up at her leader. “I’m tryin’! You gotta believe me! I’m tryin’ my hardest!”

“Shh, shh. I know.” Rose quietly tutted as she brushed her fingers over Crazy Lace’s hair. The mercury in her system was starting to leak out in her tears, giving her cheeks an eerie, quicksilver glow. “But you have to work _smarter_ , not _harder_.”

“How? How?!” Though her nails were digging into Rose’s flesh, she didn’t flinch. “I can’t get it outta my head! I---I---” Her lips peeled back from her crooked teeth as she gnashed, trembling and shaking. “It’s always there, I---I’m useless, a fuckin’ liability, I---”

With the flat of her palm, Rose began to trace smooth circles against the sweat-slicked skin of her bare back. She knew she had to stop this downward spiral before her friend hit the event horizon. “No, no. Stop it. You’re not.”

“But look how I’m worryin’ you!”

“We wouldn’t worry about you if we didn’t love you, sweetheart. And we need you.” She tried to pull back, hoping for some eye contact, but Crazy Lace just clung tighter. “ _I_ need you.”

“I…” That seemed to take her aback. “Really?”

“Of course, silly,” she said, pressing her smile against her neck. “Why would you think any differently?”

She was silent, save for a few swallowed sobs, but Rose had seen this before. It was something tragically common among her rebels… “Because you feel you don’t deserve it? You think you don’t deserve to be loved?”

“Mm-hm,” she rumbled from deep in her core.

Patting the back of her head---and surreptitiously checking for any bumps she might have to heal later---Rose chuckled and tried to sound teasing instead of reproachful. “Now why would you think something as ridiculous as that?”

She could hear the click-clack of teeth as a tremor ran right up Crazy Lace’s spine. “It’s… I…”

“Come, now. You can tell me.”

“I-I-I know, I trust you, I just…” She was still faltering, but the words were starting to piece together: “Aw, Rose, she… she… _she_ …. What she _did_ to m-me…”

Crazy Lace’s chipped, uneven gem was touching against the softest spot between Rose’s neck and shoulder, the little crook where most of her warriors would bend to let out their tears. “Who?” she asked. She knew, but she also knew Crazy Lace needed to get it off her chest.

“Pink Diamond,” she said with a small puff of air. “Rose, she… she forced me to…”

“I know.”

In her arms, her soldier jolted, but didn’t pull away. “You… do?” she asked with a waver as a fingertip lingered over the edge of one of her huge curls.

“Oh, my, yes,” Rose said calmly, her eyes wandering behind her closed eyelids. “Pearl told me all about it.”

“She did? She told you?!”

“Well… Pearl tells me everything.” For lack of a handkerchief, Rose ripped a thin fold of fabric from an outer skirt, and, once she sat back on her heels, used it to dab at Crazy Lace’s astonished face. “She meant nothing by it. She was just trying to explain where you were coming from, since she’s known you so much longer than I have.”

“G-good of her, I’ll grant,” she mumbled, and stared down at her lap. As she picked at the silver-stained edges of her skirt, she added “Er… what exactly did she tell you?”

This would take some tact. “She told me... more or less… that Pink Diamond kept you as a jester.”

A flush rose to her cheeks, and Crazy Lace’s head lurched back and forth in shame.

“Her Fool,” Rose went on with a tone she knew would be tranquil enough to keep the poor drunken gem from getting too agitated. “Once you were chipped, she spared you from being shattered, but… you had to dance around, in front of the whole court, and perform like a clown.”

She shuddered at the memory, and her little “Aye” was barely audible.

Rose adjusted her sitting position and crossed her ankles. She gingerly touched at the vial in her pocket. “Pearl said it was devastating for you,” she whispered. “Humiliating.”

This time the answer was a formless kind of _“Mm-hm.”_

“For what it’s worth… Pearl thinks that Pink Diamond has… matured since then.” When Crazy Lace’s hand went up to her drooling mouth, Rose grabbed it and pulled her already-bloodied nails away from those nibbling teeth. “But from what Pearl has told me, it seems as if Pink didn’t truly understand the gravity of her actions. She was quite young at the time. Try to understand---”

Crazy Lace snorted and slapped her leg, which rolled the hem of her short skirt. “Oh really? You think, my love? You want me to ‘understand’?! _You_ weren’t the one dancing around in a ragged motley that wasn’t even long enough to cover your shame!”

“That must have been awful,” Rose murmured as she eased her friend back and forth, patting her forearm. Her eyes were drifting over the bare toes that were peeking out from under her long skirt. “Pearl told me about that, too---how Pink specifically got another Agate to design that costume, just to degrade you in front of someone who used to be a colleague.” She tucked her foot under her hem. “To remind you of your place as a jester, not an Agate.”

Crazy Lace stiffened. “Aye, that damn blue bitch, with her fat arse and her hair like a set of stripey _tits!_ Coulda killed her, the way she was smirking! And you know what’s worse?”

“No. What?”

She bent her arm and grasped Rose’s hand. “She… she was the one who pushed me…”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“That Agate was the one who pushed me,” she said, sniffling. “Right over the railing. She was tryna kill me, I know it! Lucky I only got chipped.” She tugged at the loose end of her headband with a sour laugh. “Heh… _lucky_.”

“Well---”

But she was still going: “I reported her. I did! I tried to, but no one would believe me. Why listen to a lunatic?! No one ever believes a _crazy_ gem, eh?”

Rose placed her chin on her shoulder. “I believe you, Crazy Lace.”

With a smile that was even less than half-hearted, she nodded and squeezed Rose’s hand again. “Mm. Thank ya kindly, love.”

“It’s what friends do.”

Her chest swelled as she drew in the air through the snot in her nose and throat, and then slowly exhaled. When she looked back to her leader, it seemed as if the tears had washed away at least a tiny bit of the drugged-up haze. Her look was sheepish, shy and vulnerable. “Uh, who else did Pearl tell?”

“Oh, no one, naturally. Just me.” She rested a hand on Crazy Lace’s bouncing knee to keep her from rattling her high heels against the tiles.

“Let’s keep it that way,” she said lowly.

“You’ll never have to see her again,” she reassured her.

“Hmph. I’d toast to that if I could,” Crazy Lace muttered as she drunkenly moved her hands about, picking at her filmy shoulder straps. “I am damn glad that Agate’s still on Homeworld. Millions of miles away, she is!” For some reason, she felt the need to clap her hands over her head. “Good bloody riddance!”

Despite the cold clutch in her belly, Rose grinned. Crazy Lace, for all her eccentricities, did have a certain kind of charm about her. “That’s the spirit!”

She was beginning to ramble, but at least her mood was lifting. “Stars, every time I close my eyes I see that smug smile as she was measuring me, all simpering at Pinky’s feet! …Gah, she took so much sick pleasure designing that damn motley!” She clucked her tongue. “Good thing the only gems who know are---”

And then, something, some odd kind of lucidity sliced right through the fog in her eyes quick as a scalpel. It seemed to cut her right down to her core, and her back snapped up in rigidity.

Rose frowned as she felt the damp hand slip from hers. “What? What is it, Crazy Lace?”

Slowly, as if afraid to eject whatever thought had just hit her, the wild-eyed Agate moved her head around to face her leader, and when she did, Rose’s throat constricted when she saw how pale her soldier had become.

“I left that secret back on Homeworld,” she began, her mouth barely moving from its agonized rictus, “And the _only_ three gems who knew who designed my motley are me, that Agate, and…”

Crazy Lace suddenly leapt to her feet, sending the chair clattering to the ground behind her. The whites of her eyes were flashing.

Rose got to her feet too, but not quite as quickly. “Now, Crazy Lace---”

“Y…” She was staggering backwards, her heels wobbling beneath her and bending her ankles, but she somehow kept from toppling over. Her eyes were as alight and flickering as the mercury she’d been huffing. “Your voice,” she croaked out helplessly. One hand went to the wall, and the other raised up with a single finger pointing. “I _thought_ your voice sounded familiar!” She took a fistful of hair and yanked at it as she tossed her head around wildly. “Aw, stars, your voice!!”

“Hey. Easy now,” Rose said faintly as she took a step closer. “There are many gems who sound like me; it’s probably noth---”

“Then how the FUCK did you know who designed my motley?!” she shrieked. “Explain that, Rose! Or should I even call you that anymore?”

Both hands were up in what seemed like a peaceable gesture. “Please, Crazy Lace. You’re getting hysterical.”

She cried, stumbling blind, tears stinging her face. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you give me orders! Don’t you order me around _ever **again!**_ ”

Rose was still approaching, still speaking quietly between Crazy Lace’s squalls of horror. “Think. Please, just think. Are you _sure_ Pearl didn’t know about it?”

“Dead sure! I never told a soul about it! Not a _soul!_ ”

Just as she fell to a knee, Rose rushed up beside her and seized her by the elbow. “Careful!”

“Nah-ha!” Screaming, she threw Rose’s hands off of her and collapsed on her side, her knees to her chest, rocking in the fetal position as she smeared her face against the floor. “No, no, no! This isn’t---it cannae _be---!_ ”

For a moment that lurched into a minute, and then five, Rose simply stared at the twitching gem on the ground, listening to her feeble whimpers of _“Cannae be, cannae be, cannae be”_ until they dwindled down to quiet spluttering; then, as smoothly as she could, Rose replaced the hand that had been on her friend’s shoulder and leaned in to whisper in her ear: “You’re right, Crazy Lace.”

Through the iridescent coils of hair, one tiny, cry-puffed eye showed. “I-I am?”

“Yes,” Rose replied placidly. “It _can’t_ be. You know that.”

She achingly lifted her head up on one shaking shoulder, and, nearly on instinct, leaned into Rose’s offered palm.

“You’re stoned,” she said sweetly as she petted Crazy Lace’s cheek. “But I know there’s still some sliver of rationality in there. Think about it…”

She nodded, a lump in her throat.

“You have a condition, sweetheart,” she added with a shake of her head. “Can you hear what you’re saying? You think there’s been a huge, covert scheme behind the scenes all this time… and you’re the only one who knows about it?” At that, she bent at the waist and planted a kiss on Crazy Lace’s silvery cheek, cautious not to imbibe any of the mercury lingering there. “What does that sound like to you?”

It took a few choking, spittle-filled gasps before she could answer. “P… Paranoia,” she mumbled down to her ragged nails.

“Paranoia,” Rose repeated. Against the clammy side of her soldier’s face, she whispered “Crazy Lace, you are just sane enough to know you’re insane. Does any of what you just said make sense? Try to think of how a truly sane gem would see things.”

She was shaking her head, but not in rebuttal---it almost seemed like she was trying to dislodge that horrible idea from deep inside her.

Rose’s face brightened, just like it always did before a pep talk. She took both juddering hands in her own, and crossed one wrist over the other. “It’s paranoia. Just paranoia, that’s all.”

Crazy Lace switched to nodding, but a frown was still creasing her brow, digging at her mouth. “B-but… but it seems so real, I…”

“Of course it does,” Rose soothed as she pulled her into a hug. “That’s what you’re fighting against. But you can trust me when I say you’re stronger than your mental problems.”

“I… I know…” she said, her words stringy and uncertain.

“It all makes sense if you take a step back. You must have confessed to Pearl during a blackout.” Rose licked her lips. “I’m sure I remember her telling me that.”

“Y-you are? Yer sure?”

“Yes,” she said firmly, still purring into the matted hair. “I know it for a fact. You just don’t remember. You can’t trust a memory like yours, can you?”

Her face sunk, forlorn. “Naw… I guess not…”

“And that’s not your fault.” She kissed her temple, then looked her straight in the eye. “I’m sorry for being so cross with you earlier. Can you forgive me?”

Her head bobbed up and down, and though it looked like a nod, it could have simply been the growing weakness in her neck. “Aye, me love,” she droned, allowing Rose to help her up to her wavering feet, “Aye, I… I’m so sorry fer doubting you, Rose…”

With soft, soothing noises, Rose swept her up in a bridal carry and headed towards the living room; she knew the path from muscle memory, so she didn’t need to look up from the kisses she kept pressing on Crazy Lace’s nose, cheeks, and forehead. After she carefully placed her on the couch, she pulled the wool blanket up around her shivering body, then spent some time pulling off her bone-rattling stilettos. A pause, and then she double-checked Crazy Lace’s clothes with a quick pat-down, but she didn’t have anything else stashed away. Once the Agate’s safety---physical, at least---was ensured, she leaned over the prone form, pink curls sliding from her shoulders, and withdrew the half-empty vial from her petticoats.

“I was wrong to take this from you,” she said delicately as she pressed it into Crazy Lace’s open palm. As Rose folded the split, bitten fingers around it, she gave her a final kiss and hefted the open vial back up to her soldier’s face. “You clearly need the oblivion.”

With her prize now in sight, Crazy Lace’s eyes went wild, and what was left of her rational mind disappeared as she lifted her drug up to her open mouth.  
Rose bit her lip, not quite hard enough to chew away the guilt, and turned her back. “Sleep well, my dear Fool,” she mouthed.


	2. Illustration: The Aftermath

 

 

_...What can you do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had this illustration in mind when I originally wrote the story, but only got around to drawing it now since it was a touchy subject for me. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, you get ONE guess who "that blue bitch" Agate was. ONE guess ;)
> 
> Uh... whew. Well, first thing's first, the mercury bit was somewhat-subconsciously inspired by [Nil By Mouth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5359502); a fantastic story I'd recommend for horror fans. (I further explain what I mean in [this](https://archiveofourown.org/comments/146590293) comment. Hard to put into words!)
> 
> Originally the parent story was meant to be a stand-alone, though I had intended to return to these characters. Once I saw "A Single Pale Rose", I knew I had to take a second look at this extremely unhealthy relationship. This was particularly painful for me to write since some of Rose's lines have been said to me almost verbatim.
> 
> If there is a second chapter, it will only be an illustration that I already have in mind. We'll see.  
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading, it really means the world to me :)


End file.
